When I came to Pakland after 7 months, I was filled with a sort of energy that I can not even start to define. I felt I could do things, I felt I could fix anything, I felt everything was within my grasp. Then I had an accident and an incident and I was felt alone again with that hollow feeling that I had felt 7 months ago.
I have been raving about a lot of things, things I dont agree with, people I dont agree with, ideas I dont agree with and the list goes on. Well now I have a new old topic to bitch about. Suffice it to say I m back to my roots…. Heavy Metal music and cynical blabberings that make me sound stupid, idiot and mad.
So getting back to the topic (If there was one in the first place.) Pakistani people are all addicts. Some to money, some to fame, some to power… These are the drugs for the rich and the influential as always. but what about the rest? Well at the other spectrum, some are addicted to ghundda-gardi, drugs, easy money, and bad indian music. Heck any thing that can show an iota of materialistic, false pomp and the lower class is addicted to it.
That leaves the middle, and after listening to this mind blowing snarl I realized what that middle is addicted to.
Addicted to Chaos by Megadeth
First lets define what addiction is. Addiction is synonymous to obsession and compulsion. But I would like to add another aspect. Addict is something that leaves you powerless, yet you need it more and more in order to keep your menial existence. Well if this is the definition, then the ‘conscious’ middle class of the Pakistani society is addicted to chaos. We are sick of this chaos in our society, yet we need it more and more every day, and it leaves us powerless to change it.
What I saw in my time back, was a once great university turned into a ruin for the corrupt, the scum, the dogs and the and the pigs. Which no longer angered me, only left me with a hollow sadness. which I m powerless to change to happiness. Because what road I could see towards change earlier, was nt there any more. What I realized is that anyone who could talk loud has all the power but only until the louder bigger dog comes along, and this wheel of social ecology just keeps on rolling, and it never stops.
Its all so depressing, but I m depressed no alonger, as I m no longer there. I ll enjoy my small life with all the gift Allah has given me. And when it ll be time to go back to my beloved Pakistan, I will, with the same sadness I have engulfing me now. The sadness which comes from being powerless.
Lets cross that bridge when it comes.